Wednesday, August 8, 2012


“And now, following many conversations,
you’re vastly awake and holding your fingers between your legs
 and wanting to feel again the spark you lost so long ago.
 You throb, so hot, needing, wanting, the desire is there
but your fingers are just not enough.”

- The Bride Stripped Bare

What the fuck are you doing?”  I asked my own reflection in the mirror.

Akala ko ba ayaw mo ng ganito?  And yet here you are…”  My reflection just stared back at me.

Useless conversations with myself.  Yes, I do this all the time.

I closed my eyes for a bit and inhaled deeply.

When I opened them, I feel a rush of confidence flowing in my veins.

I headed for the door and turned the knob.  “Here goes nothing…

Madilim na yung kwarto when I got out of the bathroom except for the light that’s coming from the television.

CNN was on TV, but the volume was turned low.

Everything all right?”  Scott asked me.  He was lying in bed.

Yeah.  I just washed my hands.”  I told him.

Naghugas ng kamay?  Why the fuck did I just say that?

I removed the belt of my dress, placed it on top of the bedside table, and climbed the bed next to him, but there was this big space between us.

Awkward space.  Space na kasya pa ang isang tao.

How do we start this thing?

I looked at the man beside me.  His eyes were closed.

So tutulugan nya ako?  Baka he is waiting for me to make the first move.  How do I make the first move?

Should I take my clothes off?

Tama.  Dapat nga talaga I’ll be wearing may undies na lang.

I looked at him and noted he’s still wearing his shirt and his pants.  Socks even.  The only things he took off were his shoes and his eyeglasses.

Teka nga!  Bakit pala ako ang gagawa ng move.  I’m the girl here.  I should wait until he makes the first move.

Right.  Yun ang dapat.  The first move should come from him.

And I lay there.  Not moving a muscle.  Wondering and waiting for what will happen next.

“You’re too far.  Move closer.”  I heard him say.

Move closer daw?  At ako pa talaga ang uusog.

But still I gave in and moved right next to him.  We were now shoulder to shoulder.


If we were boyfriend and girlfriend, we’d probably be tearing at each other’s clothes right now.  But we’re not.

Scott and I—magkaibigan lang kami.

We met 2 weeks before at a party when a male friend vowed to introduce me to any single guy who will attend, and he actually did.

Scott was one of the guys I was introduced to that night.  He asked for my number, and we’ve been texting and talking since then.

In the 2 weeks that we’ve been corresponding, it got to a point that we talked about sex and the fact that we haven’t had any lately.

And that conversation eventually led to a turning point where we both decided to do it.  The only question was when.

Our schedules barely ever meet.  By the time I get home from work, papasok naman siya sa office niya.  The days that I’m free and he’s working.  So it was more like ‘landian’ lang sa text for the lack of better word to describe it.

Until one early Saturday morning when I was having coffee with my closest friend and he texted me.

(Text conversation between me and Scott)
Scott:  Where are you?  Still at Starbucks?
Me:  Yes.  Susunod ka ba?
Scott:  It’s 4 AM already.  What time are you going home?
Me:  5 AM or so.  I’ll just wait until they wake up.  I forgot to bring my keys.  I don’t want to wait outside of the house.
Scott:  I see Do you want to meet?

Wait!  Do I want to meet?

I stared at my screen.  Meet?  He wants to meet me now?

Napakunot ako ng noo.

“O?  What’s wrong? Ba’t parang nakakunot ang noo mo?  Sino ba yang katext mo?”  I heard Tin say.

Si Scott.”  I told her as I sipped my coffee.

Bakit ganyan reaction mo sa text nya?  What did Scott say?

I looked at Tin and she had a huge smile on her face.  “Nagyayaya.”  I answered.

Oh my god!  Kailan?”  I noted the huge smile on Tin’s face.  Kung makangiti, wagas.

He just asked me if I wanted to meet.”  And I stared at Scott’s last text message.

What did you tell him?”  Tin prodded.

I didn’t answer pa.”  To be honest, I can’t decide pa whether or not I will say yes.

Why didn’t you?”  Tin asked.

“Sis…”  I started to say but Tin cut me off.

You’re overthinking again!”  Tin exclaimed.

She is right of course.  I tend to overthink and overanalyze stuff.

It’s not that.

Eh ano?  It’s just going to be just sex.  Like an itch that needed to be scratched.  You scratch his.  He’ll scratch yours.

Eh ayoko naman ng ganun lang.  Saka…  Walang spark eh.

Ayan na naman tayo sa all-spark na yan.  Si Optimus Prime ka talaga.  Sis, you’re meeting him to fuck.  It’s not like you’re going to get married to the guy.  Yang self-preservation mo, it’s getting old.”

And before I could say anything else, Tin added, “Sis, why not say yes to Scott?  Gwapo naman siya.  Malay mo naman magaling sa kama.  Mapaligaya ka pa nyaKung hindi man, e di we can charge it to experience and maybe laugh about it.”

My phone vibrated.  Another message from Scott.

Scott:  Are you still there?

Tin has a point.  What the heck!  I pressed reply on my phone screen.  Fine…  I’m saying yes to this now.

Me:  Yes.  The answer is yes.
Scott:  Really?  You want to meet?
Me:  I said yes, didn’t I?
Scott:  Sige.  I’ll see you at 6 AM?  I’ll be out of the office by then.
Me:  Okay.  6 AM it is.
Scott:  Shall I pick you up then?  Or meet you somewhere else?
Me:  We can meet somewhere else.
Scott:  I’ll text you the place later.  See you.

I said yes already.  I guess I’ll be seeing Scott later then.”  I smiled as I told Tin.

She grinned and said, “That’s good, Sis.  And you can tell me all the gory details after.”

Me?  Tell her all will ever happen?  Not bloody likely.

“Hah!  You’d have to get me drunk for that.”  I told her.  But she laughed and mouthed what seemed like “we’ll see” to me.

And so here I am…

On a bed…  In a motel room…  Shoulder to shoulder with a guy.

And there’s silence.  Awkward silence.

Who’s making the first move?!


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