“And now,
following many conversations,
you’re vastly
awake and holding your fingers between your legs
and wanting to feel again the spark you lost
so long ago.
You throb, so hot, needing, wanting, the
desire is there
but your fingers
are just not enough.”
- The
Bride Stripped Bare
“What
the fuck are you doing?” I asked my
own reflection in the mirror.
“Akala
ko ba ayaw mo ng ganito? And yet here
you are…” My reflection just stared
back at me.
Useless conversations with myself. Yes, I do this all the time.
I closed my eyes for a bit and inhaled
deeply.
When I opened them, I feel a rush of
confidence flowing in my veins.
I headed for the door and turned the
knob. “Here goes nothing…”
Madilim na yung kwarto when I got out of
the bathroom except for the light that’s coming from the television.
CNN was on TV, but the volume was turned
low.
“Everything
all right?” Scott asked me. He was lying in bed.
“Yeah. I just washed my hands.” I told him.
Naghugas
ng kamay? Why the fuck did I just say
that?
I removed the belt of my dress, placed
it on top of the bedside table, and climbed the bed next to him, but there was
this big space between us.
Awkward space. Space na kasya pa ang isang tao.
How
do we start this thing?
I looked at the man beside me. His eyes were closed.
So
tutulugan nya ako? Baka he is waiting
for me to make the first move. How do I
make the first move?
Should
I take my clothes off?
Tama. Dapat nga talaga I’ll be wearing may undies
na lang.
I looked at him and noted he’s still
wearing his shirt and his pants. Socks
even. The only things he took off were
his shoes and his eyeglasses.
Teka
nga! Bakit pala ako ang gagawa ng
move. I’m the girl here. I should wait until he makes the first move.
Right. Yun ang dapat. The first move should come from him.
And I lay there. Not moving a muscle. Wondering and waiting for what will happen
next.
“You’re
too far. Move closer.” I heard him say.
Move closer daw? At ako pa talaga ang uusog.
But still I gave in and moved right next
to him. We were now shoulder to
shoulder.
Silence.
If we were boyfriend and girlfriend,
we’d probably be tearing at each other’s clothes right now. But we’re not.
Scott and I—magkaibigan lang kami.
We met 2 weeks before at a party when a
male friend vowed to introduce me to any single guy who will attend, and he
actually did.
Scott was one of the guys I was
introduced to that night. He asked for
my number, and we’ve been texting and talking since then.
In the 2 weeks that we’ve been
corresponding, it got to a point that we talked about sex and the fact that we
haven’t had any lately.
And that conversation eventually led to
a turning point where we both decided to do it.
The only question was when.
Our schedules barely ever meet. By the time I get home from work, papasok
naman siya sa office niya. The days that
I’m free and he’s working. So it was
more like ‘landian’ lang sa text for the lack of better word to describe it.
Until one early Saturday morning when I
was having coffee with my closest friend and he texted me.
(Text conversation between me and Scott)
Scott:
Where are you? Still at
Starbucks?
Me:
Yes. Susunod ka ba?
Scott:
It’s 4 AM already. What time are
you going home?
Me:
5 AM or so. I’ll just wait until
they wake up. I forgot to bring my
keys. I don’t want to wait outside of
the house.
Scott:
I see Do you want to meet?
Wait! Do I want to meet?
I stared at my screen. Meet? He wants to meet me now?
Napakunot ako ng noo.
“O?
What’s wrong? Ba’t parang nakakunot ang
noo mo? Sino ba yang katext mo?” I heard Tin say.
“Si
Scott.” I told her as I sipped my
coffee.
“Bakit
ganyan reaction mo sa text nya? What did
Scott say?”
I looked at Tin and she had a huge smile
on her face. “Nagyayaya.” I answered.
“Oh
my god! Kailan?” I noted the huge smile on Tin’s face. Kung makangiti, wagas.
“He
just asked me if I wanted to meet.”
And I stared at Scott’s last text message.
“What
did you tell him?” Tin prodded.
“I
didn’t answer pa.” To be honest, I
can’t decide pa whether or not I will say yes.
“Why
didn’t you?” Tin asked.
“Sis…” I started to say but Tin cut me off.
“You’re
overthinking again!” Tin exclaimed.
She is right of course. I tend to overthink and overanalyze stuff.
“It’s
not that.”
“Eh
ano? It’s just going to be just
sex. Like an itch that needed to be
scratched. You scratch his. He’ll scratch yours.”
“Eh
ayoko naman ng ganun lang. Saka… Walang spark eh.”
“Ayan
na naman tayo sa all-spark na yan. Si
Optimus Prime ka talaga. Sis, you’re
meeting him to fuck. It’s not like you’re
going to get married to the guy. Yang
self-preservation mo, it’s getting old.”
And before I could say anything else,
Tin added, “Sis, why not say yes to
Scott? Gwapo naman siya. Malay mo naman magaling sa kama. Mapaligaya ka pa nya. Kung
hindi man, e di we can charge it to experience and maybe laugh about it.”
My phone vibrated. Another message from Scott.
Scott: Are you still there?
Tin has a point. What the heck! I pressed reply on my phone screen. Fine…
I’m saying yes to this now.
Me: Yes. The
answer is yes.
Scott: Really?
You want to meet?
Me: I said yes, didn’t I?
Scott: Sige.
I’ll see you at 6 AM? I’ll be out
of the office by then.
Me: Okay.
6 AM it is.
Scott: Shall I pick you up then? Or meet you somewhere else?
Me: We can meet somewhere else.
Scott: I’ll text you the place later. See you.
“I
said yes already. I guess I’ll be seeing
Scott later then.” I smiled as I told
Tin.
She grinned and said, “That’s good,
Sis. And you can tell me all the gory
details after.”
Me?
Tell her all will ever happen?
Not bloody likely.
“Hah!
You’d have to get me drunk for that.”
I told her. But she laughed and
mouthed what seemed like “we’ll see” to me.
And so here I am…
On a bed… In a motel room… Shoulder to shoulder with a guy.
And there’s silence. Awkward silence.
Who’s making the first move?!
TO BE CONTINUED
No comments:
Post a Comment